Today I am 45. Seems momentous, and I find myself grappling with far too many realities for one day... A few random thoughts I've had this morning: I have now spent a full half of my life married to the same wonderful man, albeit certainly for better or for worse, as we've had our share of both. I'm proud of that. I am old enough to be a grandma, yet still have a 9-year old child. I am vain enough to notice that though I have always looked younger than my age, that is changing and I seem to have little control over it. I am at least halfway through this crazy thing called life.
So how should I account for the years I have collected? In experiences? Good memories? Travels? Heartaches? I've been blessed to have many of the first three and few of the last. I've never been one to make a big deal of my birthday, so the years have passed with my focus on the small moments and major milestones in my children's lives. I look back over the past twenty years and see bedroom murals painted in a new home - my paintbrush extended over my pregnant belly, tiny toes and special blankies, rocking chairs and nursing naps, 'cookie chats' with my toddling little girl, Disney movies and popcorn, sandbuckets and a little red jeep being pushed along endless stretches of beach, sibling rivalries and truces, baseball and soccer games, dance recitals, and driving lessons.
I look into the next twenty years and see what? A life that feels a bit like an unraveling tapestry. The home we have filled with activity, laughter, and memories will slowly empty. Life that has been chaotic and full of plans will slow down. The man I married and I will return to the days when it was just us. We'll travel like we've always loved to do. We'll still make plans. We'll weave a new tapestry with the colorful yarn at our feet... and it will again one day include tiny toes and baby blankets.
I will remain, as I am now, grateful for a life well lived and blessings undeserved. I will continue collecting memories like seashells...
No comments:
Post a Comment